WCF Classic 08 Intro
Seth Lerch Segment
Lawnmower Jones vs Outcast
Steve Carr vs Seth Lerch
Chino vs Danny Vice
Thunder vs Biohazard
JJ Biggs vs Creeping Death
Bobby Cairo vs Skyler Striker
WCF Classic 08 Intro
No World For Tomorrow by Coheed and Cambria blasts.
WCF is back.
Zach Davis: Welcome, fans, to the first night of the WCF Classic! Zach Davis here, along with Shannan Lerch-
Luscious Jackson: AND LUSCIOUS MOTHER F'N JACKSON!
Shannan Lerch: You ruin everything.
Zach Davis: As usual, Shannan, you're wrong. Nothing could ruin this. We've all been away from WCF for quite a while, but for whatever random reason, we're back for four nights only!
Shannan Lerch: We've got WCF's best, and Chino, competing in this tournament.
Luscious Jackson: You're such a bitch. Chino was almost World Champion, you know.
Shannan Lerch: I kid, I kid. I kid because I love.
Zach Davis: Seriously though. The first night of our Classic will be main evented by Skyler Striker against Bobby Cairo.
Luscious Jackson: Cairo and Striker had a heated goddamn feud a few months ago, with Cairo doin' a whole lotta kidnappin and other crazy stuff. I'm sure Striker sure as hell wants his revenge for that.
Shannan Lerch: Striker DID get his revenge when that feud took place, and pretty much ran Cairo out of WCF. I bet Cairo wants some revenge of his own.
Zach Davis: We have JJ Biggs up against Creeping Death. Both former World Champions... and maybe one current World Champion?
Luscious Jackson: I wonder if he'll have that Jodia ho with him.
Shannan Lerch: Yeah, no, somehow I doubt it.
Zach Davis: Erm, uh, anyway. There's been lots of speculation about Creeping Death and the WCF World Title and this tournament, so hopefully we'll find out what's going on tonight.
Shannan Lerch: We have Thunder, former holder of almost every belt ever, going up against the returning.. BIOHAZARD!
Luscious Jackson: What's the difference between you and Biohazard, Shannan?
Shannan Lerch: Don't say it-
Luscious Jackson: Biohazard spits.
Zach Davis: Errr, anyway.... We've got Chino up against Danny Vice. Danny Vice is probably WCF's biggest name to never hold the World Title, either he or Thunder. He'll be looking to cement his place in history by winning this tournament, I'm sure.
Shannan Lerch: I think he's already more than cemented his place in history with his post-WCF activities, Zach.
Luscious Jackson: We've got "The Ultimate" Steve Carr up against the man, the myth, the legend, the guy writing my paycheck, Seth Lerch.
Zach Davis: Last time we saw Seth as an in ring competitor, he was a crazy drunkard. I have no idea about how he is now, but Carr isn't an easy man to beat even on your best day.
Shannan Lerch: These two know each other literally as long as Seth has known anyone. Carr brought Seth into the wrestling business, pretty much. Owner of NCW vs owner of WCF, it doesn't get any better than this.
Luscious Jackson: And in our openin' match, we got Lawnmower Jones up against Outcast.
Zach Davis: Oh, Lawnmower Jones. I can't wait to see what kind of shenanigans he's been up to.
Shannan Lerch: Well you're gonna have to wait, because Seth is coming out first! Yay!
Seth Lerch Segment
Master of Puppets by Metallica hits, and the crowd has a mixed reaction.
Zach Davis: Well, on one hand, he brought WCF back... kinda...
Luscious Jackson: And got us our jobs back for a little!
Zach Davis: But on the other hand, he's a total prick.
Seth walks to the ring and slides in. He doesn't look much different since last time we saw him. Medium length blonde/brown hair, black shirt, blue jeans. One difference is that he's sober, not drunk.
Seth Lerch: Welcome... to the WCF Classic!
The fans cheer that.
Seth Lerch: There've been tons of questions since I announced the Classic. Is the World Title being defended? Is WCF opening again full time? The answer to at least one of these questions is yes.
Shannan Lerch: Does that mean..
Seth Lerch: ...Yes, the World Title belt is being defended. You see, it doesn't sit so well with me that the World Title was stolen by Creeping Death from Skyler Striker at a non-WCF show. XIII, seriously, what the hell is that? Friggin stupid is what it is. The last (?) WCF World Champion should be decided in a WCF ring, and as such... the winner of the WCF Classic will be awarded the World Title.
The fans kinda cheer. The Creeping Death fans boo.
Seth Lerch: Speaking of good old Creeps, yeah, you still have that World Title. Since I'm officially stripping you of it, uh, you should probably come out and give it to me. So I'll wait.
Seth drops the mic to his side and taps his foot, waiting. After a few moments the crowd is restless, and Seth is too.
Seth Lerch: Come on, I don't have all day. Don't give me some "I'm in Des Moines!" bullshit, get out here.
Seth waits a few more moments... nothing.
Seth Lerch: Alright, fine. Don't want to give me the World Title? Guess I'll just have to take it.
Zach Davis: What does he mean by that!?
Seth Lerch: As for my opponent in the Classic, Steve Carr. Uh... well, I heard what you said about me. And listen, um... you're a jam-up guy, I don't have any problems with you and when we get in the ring I hope you're not really that angry and uh I hope we can have a nice respectable match and um listen dude no hard feelings? Okay cool see you out there then!
Luscious Jackson: Is Seth... scared?
Shannan Lerch: NEVER!
Master of Puppets hits again, and Seth rolls out of the ring, heading to the back.
Zach Davis: In any case... let's get on with the tournament, it is time for our first match!
Lawnmower Jones vs Outcast
The word's "My Name Is Lawnmower Jones and I Love to Mow!" are heard over the PA system, followed by Scottish bagpipes. LJ walks out from backstage alone with a mean and nasty look on his face. He does not touch the fans and quickly goes to the ring. Once inside, LJ waits for his opponent.
"Reach and touch faith" screams over the speakers as Marilyn Mansons' "Personal Jesus" plays. Outcast walks out of the backstage onto the ramps as Jeff Hardy style explosions goes off.
Your own, personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who's there
Outcast walks down the ramp to a mixed reaction, mostly boos now. He stops half way down the ramp and raises his right arm slowly up the the hair with his hand open, then slowly closes it to make a fist. He continues to walk down the ramp. He trades words with the fans then gives them the finger and turns around to walk up the stairs leading to the ring. He slowly gets into the ring and walks to the middle. He looks around the arena slowly, then walks to his respective corner and sits on the top turnbuckle.
Zach Davis: Outcast and Lawnmower Jones are two of the more miserable superstars on the WCF roster, but this matchup certainly promises to be a knock-down, drag-out brawl. Outcast is on a mission to redeem himself and Jones is coping with the loss of his beloved wife Lonnie. This is truly a match born in the bowels of Hell.
Shannan Lerch: Frankly I have no use for either of these guys. They're ugly, smelly and have really bad personalities. I hope they kill each other.
Luscious Jackson: I gotta give some props to Jones. I've been in love before and I know how bad it can hurt when love turns black. Of course my girl didn't die, she dumped me for my brother Rico, but it was a very painful situation.
Shannan Lerch: That's very touching, Luscious. I always took you for a boorish brute. Could I have been mistaken?
Luscious Jackson: I like your boobs, Shannan.
Jones and Outcast circle the ring before locking up. Outcast uses his size advantage to overpower Jones and shoves him into the corner. Outcast stomps away at Jones. Outcast sends Jones to the far corner and follows him in with a big clothesline. Outcast waits for Jones to get up and hits a stiff running kneelift. Outcast sneers at the fans before going back to work on Jones in the corner. Outcast lands a stiff punch to the face of Jones. The shot seems to fire Jones up as he grabs Outcast and forces him into the corner. Jones unloads with a barrage of stiff kicks to the ribs and head of Outcast. Jones sends Outcast to the far corner. Jones charges in and hits a running big boot. Jones picks Outcast up and slams him down hard on the mat. Jones makes the cover and gets a two count. Jones staggers Outcast with an inverted atomic drop. Jones climbs onto the middle turnbuckle and hits a flying forearm smash that knocks Outcast to the mat. Jones makes the cover and gets another two count. Jones gets a running head start and hits a big legdrop. Another cover, another two count. Outcast uses a lowblow to regain control of the match. Outcast drags Jones to the edge of the ring and climbs out to the ring apron. Outcast hoists Jones up in a vertical suplex and drops Jones onto the floor outside the ring.
Zach Davis: Good God, that's absolutely brutal! There's no pad out there, that's concrete! Jones could be seriously injured!
Shannan Lerch: Well, if anything, Outcast may have finally ended Jones' suffering once and for all... or more likely he's added to it! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Luscious Jackson: You're a mean, cold-hearted woman, Shannan. Jones has had some bad breaks in life, but he's one of the toughest dudes in WCF and if he can't survive Outcast then nobody can.
Outcast sends Jones crashing into the guardrail. Outcast pulls Jones by his hair back toward the ring. Outcast slides Jones into the ring so that his head is positioned under the bottom ring rope. Outcast then climbs onto the apron, gets a running start and drops his knee across the throat of Jones. Outcast climbs into the ring and drags Jones by his legs to the middle of the ring. Outcast hits a running splash for a two count. Outcast hits another running splash for another two count. Jones reverses an Irish whip and sends Outcast into the ropes. Jones staggers Outcast with a clothesline but can't knock him down. Jones connects with another clothesline and Outcast is wobbly but still standing. Jones tries for a third clothesline but Outcast counters with a clothesline of his own that knocks Jones to the mat. Outcast sends Jones to the ropes and catches him in a modified choke sleeper. Jones tries to fight out of it and counters with a sitdown jawbreaker. Both men are down on the mat.
Zach Davis: Jones has had trouble taking the much larger Outcast off of his feet in this match, but that's one way to do it!
Shannan Lerch: Jones is a scrappy bugger. He's a drunk, a burnout and a bum, but he's a scrappy bugger.
Luscious Jackson: He's got heart and I respect that because I'm all about heart. Luscious Jackson has heart, baby!
Outcast is up first and he stomps away at Jones. Outcast pulls Jones to his feet and hits a belly to belly suplex. Outcast makes the cover and gets a two count. Jones hits a lowblow out of desperation. Jones crawls to the corner and waits for Outcast to get up. Outcast slowly climbs to his feet and angrily charges to the corner. Jones gets his boot up and catches Outcast in the jaw. Outcast stumbles backwards toward the middle of the ring. Outcast shakes it off and once again charges toward Jones. This time Jones scoops Outcast up and plants him with a huge powerslam. Jones makes the cover and gets a two. Jones tries to hoist Outcast up into the air, but Outcast uses his leverage and weight advantage to block it. Jones tries again and this time he does get the 350-pound Outcast into the air before dropping him with a sick-looking brainbuster. The crowd pops bigtime for Jones' efforts. Jones makes the cover and gets a two count. Jones tries to pick Outcast up in the military press, but this proves too ambitious as his knee buckles and Outcast falls on top of him for a two count. Both men are once again down on the mat.
Zach Davis: Boy, this Outcast is a handful to deal with. He's a tough SOB with a bad attitude and he's one of the biggest competitors on the WCF roster. It seems like Jones can barely keep his head above water, so to speak.
Shannan Lerch: Are you implying that Outcast is a big fat whale?
Zach Davis: No, of course not. Outcast is a finely-tuned, drug-free athlete like all WCF superstars.
Shannan Lerch: I'm telling Outcast that you called him a whale!
Zach Davis: No, don't do that! I favor my livelihood and well-being!
Luscious Jackson: Shannan, don't make me rip your pants off and spank that booty, you naughty girl!
Outcast is up first, he sends Jones into the ropes and hits a drop toe hold. Outcast quickly locks Jones in the Mind Rager. Outcast pulls back as hard as he can as Jones desperately tries to reach the ropes. Jones bellows like a wounded animal as Outcast continues to apply the pressure. The referee asks if Jones wants to quit. Jones responds in indecipherable Gaelic tongues as he shakes his head no. Jones continues to fight, inch by inch, toward the ropes, absorbing the punishment until finally he reaches... reaches... reaches and grabs the rope! The referee instructs Outcast to break the hold. Outcast refuses to comply until threatened with disqualification. Outcast sends Jones into the ropes and hits a running kneelift that staggers Jones. Outcast plants Jones with a snap DDT and makes the cover for a two count. Outcast sets Jones up for a piledriver, but he can't quite get him up. Jones makes a gesture with his hand as if he's pulling a lawnmower chord before he sends Outcast reeling with a back bodydrop. Jones quickly seizes the opening by locking Outcast in a crossface.
Zach Davis: Jones is now turning the tables on Outcast with a submission of his own! Can Outcast battle out of the crossface or is Jones gonna win this match right now?
Shannan Lerch: I don't ever remember seeing Outcast quit before. This could be history in the making!
Luscious Jackson: Look at Jones crank back on that sucker! Outcast looks like a stuck pig in a hamhock!
Outcast pounds the mat in anger and frustration as Jones pulls back for all he's worth. Outcast tries to fight back. He slowly but steadily rises up to his knees. Jones desperately tries to keep the crossface locked in, but Outcast picks him up and drops him with a belly to back suplex. Both men are down on the mat. Outcast is up first. He sends Jones to the corner. Outcast charges in for the Sick Twist, but Jones dodges out of the way and Outcast hits the corner hard. Jones grabs the staggered Outcast from the corner and hits the Rev the Engine in the middle of the ring. Jones pulls down the straps of his overalls and stalks Outcast like a wild animal hunting for prey. Jones finally strikes and locks Outcast in the Jonesmission! Outcast tries to fight it but his body goes limp. Jones locks in the body scissors and drives Outcast to the mat. The referee checks with Outcast and signals for the bell.
Zach Davis: That's it, it's over! Jones wins with the Jonesmission!
Shannan Lerch: That's a hell of a win. Jones came to fight tonight, guys. He looked hungry and motivated in this one.
Luscious Jackson: Rest in peace, Lonnie! This one's for you, baby!
Jones points to the sky and blows a kiss as the crowd applauds his hardfought victory.
Steve Carr vs Seth Lerch
The lights go out and "The Rising" by Trivium plays. Red spotlights shine on the entrance as Steve Carr walks out and raises his arms. The spotlights follow him as he walks down to the ring giving high-fives to the fans. He climbs up the stairs, steps over the ropes and the house lights come back on.
Zach Davis: Steve Carr did NOT have kind words to say about Seth Lerch, and Seth sure seemed scared earlier tonight.
Master of Puppets hits, but not by Metallica. Master of Puppets, covered by Trivium.
Shannan Lerch: That's the same band that did Steve Carr's entrance song.
Luscious Jackson: He's suckin' up!
Seth comes out, smiling. He walks to the ring, while Steve Carr is burning a hole through him. Seth is still smiling, and gets in the ring trying to act like he and Steve are friendly or something. Carr's expression does not change. Seth sticks out his hand.
Zach Davis: Is Carr going to take it?
We can see Seth mouth something like "Yeah Trivium rocks!" or some such. Carr reaches out, grabs Seth's hand... and then brings him in for a Short Arm Clothesline!
Shannan Lerch: Well that answers that.
The fans cheer as Seth stands up and Carr grabs him again, throwing him into the ropes. Carr then hits a Big Boot! Seth goes down again, and this time uses the ropes to pull himself up to his knees. He begs off as Carr approaches. Seth backs himself into a corner, and Carr goes to grab him, but the ref tries to get him to stop. Seth uses this advantage to hit a low blow!
Luscious Jackson: Dat ain't right.
Seth gets up and follows up by poking Carr in the eyes as well. Carr stumbles back, and Seth hits a Jumping DDT! He quickly covers, hooking Carr's leg.
No, Carr powers out. Seth gets up, not too happy, and lifts Carr with him. Carr fights back now, pushing Seth away and getting to his feet on his own. Seth charges him, but Carr catches him with a knee to the gut. Seth buckles over and Carr hits a huge Powerbomb!
Zach Davis: I think Carr's power is just too much for Seth to handle here.
Shannan Lerch: No way. Seth has him just where he wants him...
Carr waits for Seth to stand, measuring him. Once he's up... CARR HITS THE ULTIMATE STUNNER!
Luscious Jackson: You were saying, Shannan?
And just to add insult to injury, Carr climbs to the top rope... and flies off with the Ultimatum! After this he pins Seth, almost cockily.
Zach Davis: Steve Carr advances in the Classic!
Shannan Lerch: It was nice of Seth to let him win like that.
Carr gets up, and gives Seth another kick just for good measure. The Ultimate then rolls out of the ring and heads to the back.
Chino vs Danny Vice
For one reason or another, Chino is already in the ring when "Killing in the Name" by Rage Against The Machine hits the speakers. The entire arena explodes. Smoke leaks out onto the stage throughout the intro as the house lights flicker. After the intro, Danny Vice appears through a trapdoor in the floor to a huge eruption of "V" shaped pyros. He poses for a second before running full speed to the ring and sliding in. He climbs the turnbuckle and poses again for the crowd before doing a backflip off the turnbuckle while the referee checks the equipment of both men. The bell rings, and the match is kicked off with a lock-up of these two men.
Zach Davis: Did you know that Chino was the very first opponent of Danny Vice back in August of 2006. Chino won the match after interference by JackHammer and Skyler Striker after Vice locked on the Vicelock.
Shannan Lerch: You would know something stupid like that.
Luscious Jackson: It's why he has a job.
Chino tosses Vice into the corner and begins to wail away with right hands. The referee warns Chino to use open hands, but Chino dismisses him as he backs off Vice and charges in with a high elbow to the head. Vice drops to his knees, allowing Chino to kick him in the head. Vice rolls out of the ring, dazed and confused from the early onslaught.
Shannan Lerch: Looks like Chino is going to go 2-0 agaisnt Mr. Vice.
Zach Davis: Never count Danny Vice out. This man is a former Hardcore and Tag Team Champion.
Luscious Jackson: He better get his bearings straight first.
Vice slides into the ring and ducks a lariat from Chino. Two quick left jabs followed by a discus punch, Chino staggers back into the corner. Vice runs and hits a perfect cartwheel elbow.
Shannan Lerch: Isn't that a chick move?
Chino stumbles out of the corner as Vice leaps to the top rope. Perfect moonsault DDT off the top rope, Vice covers.
Kickout by Chino.
Zach Davis: Nearly a victory there for Vice.
Shannan Lerch: Too bad that doesn't count for anything.
Vice pulls Chino to his feet. He locks Chino's left arm in a hammerlock, spins quickly into a straightjacket hold, and executes a perfect X-plex on Chino. Chino clutches his right arm in pain.
Zach Davis: Wow, it looks like Vice just dislocated Chino's arm from it's shoulder socket.
Luscious Jackson: I can guess where this is going.
Vice slides over, and immediately locks in a Vicelock on Chino's arm. Chino taps out instantaneously, not wanting further damage on his arm. The referee calls for the bell as "Killing in the Name" hits the speakers.
Zach Davis: Danny Vice moves on!
Shannan Lerch: So what, Chino didn't even show up for this match. It was a joke.
Luscious Jackson: So?
Zach Davis: Regardless, Vice is heading to Round 2!
Thunder vs Biohazard
"Breakdown" by Biohazard plays and Biohazard comes out and walks to the ring as yellow and purple lights flash.
"Money" by Pink Floyd begins to play. As the cash register sound ends and the music begins, Thunder walks towards the ring. He reaches the apron and climbs the turnbuckle, taunting the fans.
Zach Davis: This figures to be a very exciting matchup. Thunder and Biohazard are frequently overlooked by fans and journalists alike, but the fact is that both of these men have been #1 contenders to the World Title. In fact, Thunder has held every title in WCF except for the World Title!
Shannan Lerch: I've always said that Thunder is the most dangerous wrestler in the world that nobody talks about. He's a very underrated technician, with an ability to take to the air when he has to. He's the thinking man's - or in my case woman's - wrestler.
Luscious Jackson: I'm a big Biohazard fan! I like the ooze!
Shannan Lerch: Why doesn't that surprise me, Luscious?
Zach Davis: Now let's not make this personal, Shannan. Luscious is entitled to his opinion.
Shannan Lerch: No, somebody has to say it. You're an ignoramus, Luscious!
Luscious Jackson: Ignor-what? Is that like a Danish?
Shannan Lerch: Gah!
The fans are chanting "Thunder sucks!" as Thunder stomps the mat and yells at them to shut up. Biohazard encourages them to get louder. Collar and elbow lockup to start the match. Thunder backs Biohazard into the ropes. The referee calls for a clean break, Thunder complies. Another lockup, this time Thunder gets the advantage with an armbar. Biohazard does some flips and counters with an armbar of his own. Thunder quickly breaks out with a boot to the gut. Thunder lays into Biohazard with a big chop to the chest. Thunder sends Biohazard into the ropes, Biohazard shoots off the ropes and slides between Thunder legs. Biohazard hits a jumping spin kick to the gut. Thunder falls on his bottom and complains to the referee as he gasps for air in the corner.
Zach Davis: Thunder seems to be having some trouble adjusting to Biohazard's speed and agility.
Shannan Lerch: Thunder is very studious. He's going to wait for his opening and strike like a lightning bolt.
Biohazard connects with some stiff punches to Thunder's face. Biohazard sends Thunder into the ropes. Biohazard hits a spinning heel kick. Biohazard pumps his fists, which gets a nice pop from the fans. Biohazard locks Thunder in a reverse chinlock, Thunder quickly counters with a hammerlock. Thunder pulls Biohazard to his feet and hits a knee to the gut. Thunder lays into Biohazard with another backhand chop. Thunder sends Biohazard into the ropes. Biohazard ducks a clothesline and hits a flying head scissors.
Luscious Jackson: Biohazard is so fast he's like Superman. Look at him go!
Zach Davis: He's certainly very fast, but I don't know if he's quite Superman fast. Of course I was always a big fan of the Superman comics, movies, TV shows, lunch boxes, so maybe I'm biased.
Biohazard charges Thunder, who counters with a bodydrop that sends Biohazard to the ring apron. Biohazard springboards off the top rope and hits Thunder with another spinning heel kick. Thunder rolls out to the ring apron. Biohazard springboards from the near corner of the ring and hits a hurricanrana that takes both men down to the floor, with Thunder catching the brunt of the blow.
Zach Davis: Goodness golly gracious, what a move from Biohazard! This man has the grace and speed of a gazelle on amphetamines!
Shannan Lerch: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a nice move, but where's the satisfaction? Can he really be happy flying around like a squirrel? Where's the sense of accomplishment?
Luscious Jackson: Put a cock in it, Shannan! You're making me mad!
Thunder staggers to his feet, Biohazard hits a chop that knocks him back down. Biohazard rolls into the ring as the referee counts out Thunder. Thunder climbs into the ring just before the ten count. Biohazard punishes Thunder with some kicks and chops. Thunder responds in kind with a kick and punch onslaught of his own. Thunder sets Biohazard up and hits a stiff Shining Wizard for a two count. Thunder tries for a release German suplex, but incredibly Biohazard lands on his feet! Biohazard charges Thunder and tries for another hurricanrana, but Thunder drops Biohazard across the top rope with a hot shot.
Zach Davis: Oh my, Biohazard got hung out to dry on that one!
Shannan Lerch: That's the brains of Thunder that I was alluding to earlier. Total ring awareness at all times.
Biohazard rolls out to the ring apron and slowly climbs to his feet. Thunder charges to near the corner, springboards off the top turnbuckle and hits a dropkick that knocks Biohazard down to the floor. The fans boo Thunder as he taunts them.
Zach Davis: Thunder takes a page from Biohazard's book with a great show of athleticism!
Luscious Jackson: Come on, Bio, shake it off! You can do this!
Thunder follows Biohazard outside the ring. Thunder slams Biohazard onto the floor, then he rips the ringsteps from the post. Thunder rolls back into the ring to break the referee's count, then rolls back out. Thunder waits for Biohazard to stand up, then runs toward the steps and uses them as a springboard. Biohazard alertly sidesteps Thunder's attack; Thunder goes flying headfirst into the guardrail! Biohazard stomps at Thunder before rolling him into the ring.
Zach Davis: Ooh, that was a nasty spill for Thunder! He could have serious brain damage, to make a passing Pink Floyd reference!
Shannan Lerch: This is no time for jokes, Zach! My baby got his noggin rattled!
Luscious Jackson: Luckily he didn't have much going on up there in the first place!
Shannan Lerch: You would be the expert on that, Luscious!
Biohazard springboards off the top rope and tries for a crossbody. Thunder catches Biohazard and plants him with a Tombstone piledriver. Thunder takes a moment to recover before making the cover and getting a two count. Thunder shows some signs of frustration as he stomps away at Biohazard.
Zach Davis: It looks like Thunder is eager to end this match. He's had trouble keeping Biohazard in check and frankly I think Biohazard has gotten into his head.
Luscious Jackson: The prospect of facing the ooze can do that to a man!
Shannan Lerch: Thunder simply isn't used to facing such undisciplined and callous opponents, but don't worry he's got an ace up his sleeve.
Zach Davis: What's that?
Shannan Lerch: He's Thunder!
Thunder sends Biohazard into the ropes and connects with a back elbow that knocks Biohazard to the mat. Thunder makes an arrogant cover with his foot on Biohazard's chest. Biohazard kicks out after two. The fans boo Thunder's antics.
Zach Davis: What the hell is that? I think Thunder has lost it!
Shannan Lerch: No, no, I think his arrogance is sexy. I need fresh panties over here!
Luscious Jackson: Thought I smelled something...
Thunder takes his time before standing Biohazard up and landing a couple more stiff punches. Thunder sends Biohazard to the ropes. Thunder tries to hoist Biohazard up for a press slam, but Biohazard slips behind Thunder. Biohazard leaps onto Thunder's shoulders and rolls forward with a victory roll which gets a two count. Both men are quickly up and Thunder lands a stiff kick to Biohazard's face. Thunder stomps the mat in frustration.
Zach Davis: Thunder is clearly upset with the tenacity of this masked Mexican superstar and these fans are really letting him hear it.
Shannan Lerch: What do these unwashed hillbillies know?
Luscious Jackson: That's not nice, Shannan! These people are hardworking supporters of the WCF brand!
Shannan Lerch: Blow it out your arse, Luscious! I'm the owner's sister, I can say whatever I want! Plus I'm a woman dammit, and that makes me special!
Thunder hoists Biohazard up for a vertical suplex and holds him in the air for several moments before dropping him down hard onto the mat. Thunder hits a running senton splash for a two count. Thunder scoops Biohazard up and drops him with a dragon screw leg whip, then transitions to a Texas cloverleaf. The referee asks Biohazard if he wants to quit. After a few moments Thunder releases the hold and jumps into the air in a jubilant fashion. The referee explains to Thunder that in fact Biohazard did not quit. Thunder screams at the referee and stomps the mat.
Zach Davis: Thunder once again seems frustrated at his inability to put Biohazard away.
Shannan Lerch: You'd be frustrated too if you had his talent and you couldn't finish off some border jumping migrant worker.
Luscious Jackson: Thunder better get his act together before he goes off the deep end. Biohazard doesn't know the meaning of the word quit.
Shannan Lerch: Of course not. Like most Mexicans, he doesn't speak English!
Biohazard rolls to the corner and gets to his feet. Thunder walks over and Biohazard greets him with some kicks to the midsection followed by stiff backhand chops. Biohazard shoots off the ropes but walks right into a clothesline from Thunder. Thunder makes the cover but Biohazard's arm is under the ropes which negates the pin. Thunder stands Biohazard up in the corner and sets him up on the top turnbuckle. Thunder hesitates for a moment, which allows Biohazard to connect with some hard punches. Biohazard shoves Thunder to the mat. Thunder quickly gets to his feet. Biohazard tries for a hurricanrana, but Thunder catches him in midair. Biohazard tries to reverse his position and Thunder lays him out with an electric chair drop.
Zach Davis: Oh, wow, that was an impact on that move! Sometimes those high flying moves backfire, and Biohazard got caught on that one!
Shannan Lerch: Thunder has grown accustomed to Biohazard's style and now he's ready to put him away.
Luscious Jackson: Not so fast, Shannan. Biohazard still has a lot of fight left in him.
Thunder starts toward to the top rope, but Biohazard connects with a dropkick to the buttocks that sends Thunder reeling to the floor. Thunder comes up holding his knee. Biohazard springboards off the top rope and hits a plancha on the floor. Biohazard rolls Thunder into the ring. Biohazard sends Thunder to the corner and follows him in. Thunder tries a leapfrog, but Biohazard catches him. Biohazard hits patented "Trip To The Wasteland" in the corner of the ring.
Zach Davis: That's it! Trip To The Wasteland! That's Biohazard's move!
Biohazard climbs to the top rope and hits a perfectly executed frog splash.
Zach Davis: Biohazard wins the match! Unbelievable! The masked luchadore advances in the WCF Classic!
Shannan Lerch: No, no, no! Wait a minute, the referee is waving it off! Thunder's leg was under the ropes! There's no pin! No pin!
Luscious Jackson: What a load of shiatsu! Biohazard had him beat!
Shannan Lerch: Doesn't matter! His leg was under the ropes!
Biohazard argues with the referee, giving Thunder time to recover. Thunder sneaks up behind Biohazard and takes him down with a chop block to the back of the knee. Thunder stomps away as Biohazard grasps at his knee, unable to defend himself.
Zach Davis: Goodness, what a brave move by Thunder.
Shannan Lerch: It's a smart move, Zach!
Luscious Jackson: Shiatsu, shiatsu, shiatsu!
Thunder picks Biohazard up and tries for a German suplex, but Biohazard counters with a victory roll for two. Both men are up at the same time and Thunder connects with a vicious short-arm clothesline. Thunder makes the cover. Biohazard kicks out after two. Thunder picks Biohazard up for the "Thunder & Lightning", but Biohazard slips out and counters with a tornado DDT. Biohazard makes the cover.
Zach Davis: Oh, Biohazard almost had him! So close!
Shannan Lerch: Dammit, come on, Thunder! Wake up and finish him!
Luscious Jackson: Ha-ha-ha! I love seeing you sweat, Shannan!
Biohazard sets Thunder up on the top turnbuckle. Biohazard tries for a Frankensteiner; Thunder holds onto the top rope, causing Biohazard to flip backward into the ring, but he lands on his feet. Thunder tries for a double axehandle smash and Biohazard counters with an inverted atomic drop. Biohazard sets Thunder up again on the top rope, this time next to the turnbuckle. Biohazard climbs out to the apron on the near corner. Biohazard springboards off the top and takes Thunder down with a hurricanrana.
Zach Davis: Big move by Biohazard! Can he end it here and now?!
Biohazard flops down onto Thunder's chest in a seated position.
Thunder kicks out and tries to sunset flip Biohazard. Biohazard rolls out, then grabs Thunder's legs and rolls forward in a pinning combination. Thunder bridges out after two, spins Biohazard around and hits a crushing T-Bone suplex. Thunder makes the cover.
Zach Davis: So close! Thunder almost won this match! What an awesome spectacle of athleticism and heart we're witnessing from these two great competitors!
Luscious Jackson: It makes me glad that I dropped out of Harvard Law School to become a wrestling announcer.
Shannan Lerch: What?!
Thunder sends Biohazard to the ropes. Biohazard shoots off the ropes, Thunder leapfrogs. Biohazard shoots off the ropes again, Thunder catches him with a big powerslam. Thunder once again goes for the "Thunder And Lightning". Biohazard again slips out and this time counters with his patented "Toxic Shock" crossface submission! Thunder tries to hang on... but he taps!
Zach Davis: It's all over! Biohazard wins the match! Good God almighty, Biohazard has defeated Thunder!
Shannan Lerch: [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP]!!
Luscious Jackson: w00t w00t! I'm throwing a party at the Sizzler and everybody's invited... except for Shannan!
Biohazard spits some toxic ooze into the air and then jumps into the stands to celebrate with his adoring fans.
JJ Biggs vs Creeping Death
Zach Davis: And now the match featuring Creeping Death.
Shannan Lerch: We heard Seth Lerch's words earlier tonight. CD has the World Title, Seth wants it.
Luscious Jackson: Would dat CD bitch be crazy enough to bring dat belt out here?
"Voices" by Disturbed hits the speaker system as the crowd immediately stands and boos loudly. The curtain brushes aside and JJ Biggs walks out onto the top of the stage. He slaps his chest with his right hand a couple of times before making a fist and raising it above his head. He continues walking down the stage and he climbs onto the apron. After entering the ring by stepping over the top rope, he goes to the ropes and once again raises a fist over his head. He takes off his t-shirt and he acts as if he's going to throw it into the crowd, but instead he drops it in the corner.
The lights slowly fade to black. Bells toll as the screen shows shots of a big wooden cross wrapped in barbed wire. It's a sunny day as the "happy" opening to "The Light That Blinds" by Shadows Fall plays.The crowd goes along with the sounds. "Doo-da-doo dooing" along with it. As the song gets darker and darker, the sunny day turns to night. Black clouds roll in and rain begins falling on the cross. Lightning crashes about. As the lightning crashes, white lights in the arena flash. When the song kicks up, thirty four seconds in, the entire crowd begins headbanging in unison and throwing the horns in the air as the lights come on just a tad, giving light to the dark. Standing on the stage is Creeping Death, wearing a black hoodie with the hood up, arms stretched out in a crucifix fashion, still wearing the WCF Hardcore and World Titles. World on his waist, Hardcore on his shoulder.
Zach Davis: Yup... there's the belt.
CD stands there for a second or thirty, until the vocals start, taking in the crowd's reaction. Then he slowly makes his way down the ramp, looking out into the audience. As he reaches the ring, he slides in under the bottom rope, and pops to his feet. CD walks over to a turnbuckle, jumps to the middle rope facing the crowd, throws the WCF World Title in the air with his right hand, and the WCF Hardcore Title up in his left as the crowd cheers. CD drops down, takes the hoodie off, hands the WCF Titles to the ref and then takes a seat on the top turnbuckle, awaiting the match to begin.
Luscious Jackson: Let's do this shit.
The bell rings and CD drops off the turnbuckle. The two men approach each other and shake hands, a sign of respect. They back off and then lock up. CD uses his speed to duck behind JJ, but JJ plants himself so CD can't execute a throw. JJ goes for a back elbow, but CD ducks and JJ spins. JJ has CD in a DDT and lifts CD up into the air in a suplex almost. CD front flips out of that, landing behind JJ, and hitting the ropes. Upon his return, JJ is ducked down, to which CD jumps him and hits the other ropes. JJ is ready again with a hip toss, which is stopped. CD spins, tries his own, which is also stopped. CD knees JJ in the gut and puts his leg behind JJ's head. JJ lifts up throwing CD in a back flip, but landing on his feet. JJ goes for a clothesline, ducked. CD goes for a big yakuza kick ... ducked. Both men try for dropkicks at once. Neither man hits anything, but they both get up and STANDOFF. The crowd is chanting "WCF WCF WCF."
Shannan Lerch: Oh, I missed those chants.
JJ and CD bounce around and loosen up. They go for another lockup, and CD hops up onto JJ's shoulders looking for a headscissor, but JJ throws CD around into an electric chair. CD has it ready though as he flips JJ backward in a reverse hurricanrana, spiking JJ on the top of his skull!
Zach Davis: OUCHIES, what a move!
CD is on the quick pin.
Yes! CD got the quick win as JJ is out cold from the sheer spike of the reverse rana!
Luscious Jackson: Well that was fast-
And out of nowhere, Logan is in the ring with a chair! He hits Creeping Death hard with it, and CD goes down.
Shannan Lerch: LOGAN! My hero!
Zach Davis: What's he doing here!? I was surprised when I didn't see him signed up for the Classic but I didn't expect him here now!
Logan keeps hitting CD with the chair, as Seth comes out from the back as well, wearing a cocky smile. He gets into the ring as Logan picks CD up... and then slaps CD directly across the face. The crowd "OOOH"s.
Luscious Jackson: DAMN.
Shannan Lerch: You may be black, but you aren't Ron Simmons.
CD becomes enraged and breaks free of Logan's grasp, tackling Lerch down! Seth blocks his face and Logan quickly grabs a chair and hits CD across the back of the head again, sending him down. Seth gets up and rolls out of the ring, grabbing the World Title and taking it with him. The crowd is booing, and Logan quickly grabs a mic.
Logan: SHUT UP, YA BOUDLES!
With that, Logan rolls out of the ring and he and Seth walk to the back with the WCF World Title.
Bobby Cairo vs Skyler Striker
“Fallen, broken. Simply dissolved into an incomplete thought. An empty shell, cracked, and disfigured. With no remorse, I have been blinded by the darkness. With no disdain, I have received my punishment. And with no haste, I await them.”
After the words finish, the music of “Fallen Angels” by Ra kicks in as a bright white light flashes over the arena and fades to black again. The lights continue quickly changing between black and white as Skyler Striker enters the stage. He walks down towards the ring dressed in the usual black, unbuttoned shirt and the torn maroon pants. He slides into the ring and as the chorus hits, Skyler spreads his arms in a crucifix pose. He holds this, looking into the crowd, and then goes to the turnbuckle, repeating the crucifix pose. The lights return to normal as Skyler jumps down and the music fades.
The lights in the arena go black. "Ground" by Celtic Frost hits the speakers. A crimson red strobe light shines from the rafters, filling the arena with an eerie glow as smoke pours into the aisles. Bobby Cairo appears at the entrance ramp with his manager Bolts Quackenbush. Cairo kneels on the ground and drops his head during the refrain of "Oh God, why have you forsaken me?" Images of plague, war and famine are shown on the big screen. Bolts cackles as the fans express their derision towards he and his protege. The red strobe shifts to emerald green. Cairo stands up and slowly walks down the aisle, no emotion on his face, with Bolts following closely. Cairo reaches the ring and walks up the steps. He climbs into the ring and kneels once more during the final refrain. When the music stops, the lights come back up. Bolts gives Cairo some last minute advice, with Cairo listening intently, still no emotion on his face.
Zach Davis: There's no love lost between Striker and Cairo. These two men have a storied history that includes their showdown at War, Cairo kidnapping Striker's daughter Jade, and their grueling World Title match at Explosion. Worth noting is the fact that Cairo has never beaten Striker.
Shannan Lerch: I think that's all about to change tonight, Zach. I chatted with Bobby before the show tonight and I can tell you that he has a new edge about him. He's an ambitious young go-getter and I think he'll snap his winless streak against Striker tonight.
Luscious Jackson: What? You're crazy, Shannan. Striker is a proven former World Champion, unlike that flash in the pan Cairo. I took a nap and missed Cairo's entire World Title reign.
Zach Davis: As did I, Luscious, but I was on heavy tranquilizers.
Luscious Jackson: What?
Zach Davis: Army experiment, it's a long story.
Cairo grabs the microphone from the ring announcer.
Bobby Cairo: Before we start this match tonight I want to clear the air. Striker, I owe you an apology. I kidnapped your daughter and that was wrong of me. I apologize for my actions. Now make no mistake about it, I will use whatever means necessary to win our match tonight, but I admit that I was wrong when I kidnapped Jade. Do you accept my apology, Striker?
Cairo hands the microphone to Striker.
Skyler Striker: Do I accept your apology, Bobby?
Striker, with microphone in hand, punches Cairo square in the face. Cairo staggers to the corner, covering his face with his hands.
Skyler Striker: Yes, Bobby, I accept your apology.
Striker hands the microphone back to the ring announcer and winks at the fans. Bolts hurls obscenities at Striker as he consoles Cairo, but the cheers of the fans easily drown out Bolts' tirade.
Zach Davis: Goodness gracious, Skyler Striker just sent a message to Bobby Cairo. He's not going to have any part of Cairo's headgames.
Luscious Jackson: I don't know about headgames, but Cairo got his head busted open. I see blood trickling from his big banana nose.
Shannan Lerch: That was a total cheapshot! Bobby was making a heartfelt apology! Boo, Striker, boo!
Cairo starts the match with a go-behind and a rear waistlock on Striker. Striker breaks out with an armbar. Cairo reverses into a hammerlock. Cairo spins Striker around and hits an armdrag takedown. Cairo makes the cover. Striker quickly kicks out. Cairo locks Striker in an armbar. Cairo whips Striker into the corner. Cairo charges in, Striker hits a knee to the face. Cairo staggers to the middle of the ring, turning his back to Striker. Striker leaps onto Cairo's shoulders from behind and hits a reverse hurricanrana.
Zach Davis: Holy cornflakes, what a move from Striker!
Shannan Lerch: He must have been studying the Rey Mysterio DVD.
Striker sends Cairo into the ropes, Striker tries for a hiptoss, Cairo blocks it. Cairo tries to scoop Striker up, Striker floats over and hits an enzuigiri. Cairo rolls out of the ring. Striker shoots off the ropes and teases a suicide dive, but he puts the brakes on. Cairo confers with Bolts outside the ring.
Luscious Jackson: Man, look at Cairo stalling for time. He's probably talking to Bolts about getting a handjob from a Cambodian immigrant after the match.
Shannan Lerch: You're a coarse boorish ass, Luscious! Have you no education?
Striker stares into the crowd as they're on their feet cheering for him. Meanwhile, the referee is counting out Cairo. Cairo climbs back into the ring. Cairo and Striker go for a lockup. Cairo knees Striker in the gut. Cairo hoists Striker up for a vertical suplex. Striker slips out and drops behind Cairo. Striker locks Cairo in an abdominal stretch. Cairo reverses it.
Zach Davis: Fast-paced back and forth action between these two heated rivals!
Striker elbows Cairo in the head. Striker springboards off the middle rope and tries for a moonsault. Cairo catches Striker in a Tombstone position. Cairo hoists Striker onto his shoulder. Striker slips out of Cairo's grasp and shoves Cairo into the corner. Cairo hits the turnbuckles and staggers backwards. Striker leaps onto Cairo's shoulders, teases a hurricanrana, and goes for a sunset flip, but Striker can't get Cairo turned over. Cairo tries to punch Striker in the face, but Striker slides out of the way and Cairo punches the mat. Cairo grimaces and tries to rub the feeling back into his hand.
Zach Davis: Nobody home that time for Cairo!
Shannan Lerch: That damn Striker is like a Mexican jumping bean!
Luscious Jackson: Striker is Australian, Shannan.
Striker springboards off the middle rope and hits a DDT. While Cairo is on the mat, Striker slides under the ropes to the ring apron. Striker climbs to the top rope and hits a diving elbow drop. Striker makes the cover. Cairo kicks out after two. Striker shoots off the ropes and tries for a flying leg lariat, but Cairo ducks and Striker hits the mat. Cairo makes the cover. Striker kicks out after two. Cairo hoists Striker into a powerbomb position. Striker slips out and hits a sitout facebuster.
Zach Davis: Striker's speed is clearly frustrating Cairo. I can hear Bolts Quackenbush screaming at Cairo to go for the knee, but Cairo is either unable or unwilling to comply.
Striker charges toward Cairo, Cairo sidesteps, Striker shoots off the ropes, Cairo hits Striker with a running big boot. Cairo takes a moment to stare into the stands as Striker writhes in pain.
Zach Davis: Striker might need a trip to the dentist after that shot.
Shannan Lerch: I hear that Isaac Yankem does fine work.
Cairo hits a release underhook suplex. Cairo makes the cover. Striker kicks out after two. Cairo locks Striker in a surfboard hold.
Zach Davis: Fans, we have to take a brief commercial break. We have the cameras rolling and should the match end during the break, we'll show you what happened.
Woman: What's this I found under your bed? The only Engels you're going to be reading is Laura Ingalls Wilder!
Man: If you think your child might be a red, here are some warning signs. They read complicated literature and have concern for their fellow man. They even like to share. Tell your kids that if someone approaches them with pamphlets about recycling, an invitation to a labor rally or show any doubts about the fairness of our system then they should find a teacher or a policeman immediately.
[Return to WCF Broadcast]
Zach Davis: Fans, welcome back. During the break Bobby Cairo remained in control of this match and it seems like he's really been able to slow Striker down.
Shannan Lerch: Just as I expected, Zach. Bobby is too smart to let Striker fly around the ring and beat him with all of these fancy acrobatics.
Luscious Jackson: Oh yeah? Well Striker is just resting up. He's getting ready to make his big move!
Shannan Lerch: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You're so weak, Luscious!
Cairo sends Striker into the ropes. Cairo hits a spinning Samoan drop. Cairo hits a bridging German suplex for a two count. Cairo locks Striker in a triangle choke.
Zach Davis: Cairo's continuing to keep the high flying Striker grounded and he's really sapping the energy from Striker with these submission holds.
Shannan Lerch: This is why we always hail Cairo as one of the best technicians. Once he gets his hands on you it's like an Italian making a pizza, if you catch my drift.
Luscious Jackson: Striker can do it, but he needs to make his move soon.
Cairo punishes Striker for several minutes before releasing the hold. Cairo takes some time to showboat before sending Striker into the ropes. Striker avoids a kneelift and rolls Cairo up. Cairo kicks out after two.
Zach Davis: Roll up from out of nowhere by Skyler Striker! The Aussie has some fight left in him!
Luscious Jackson: Yeah that's my boy! Take it to him, Striker!
Shannan Lerch: Damn that little runt!
An angry Cairo hotshots Striker onto the ropes, sending Striker to the floor. The referee warns Cairo as the fans boo. Bolts lays a couple of stiff kicks into Striker's ribcage as the referee continues to admonish Cairo. Bolts rolls Striker into the ring. Cairo hits a snapmare, then locks Striker in the crossface chickenwing / body scissors combination. The fans cheer encouragement for Striker as he struggles to escape.
Zach Davis: As we've emphasized this is where Cairo is so very deadly. He gets you on the mat and continues to wear you down. Striker might not be long for the match at this point.
Shannan Lerch: Give it up, Striker! You're not worthy! You're not worthy!
Luscious Jackson: Don't listen to the she-devil, Striker! Fight it, you can do it!
A cheer goes up in the stands as Striker gets his feet in the ropes and the referee instructs Cairo to break the hold. Nevertheless, Cairo dumps Striker through the ropes, onto the floor. Cairo follows Striker outside. Cairo hits a brainbuster on the floor. Cairo takes his time before rolling Striker into the ring. Cairo climbs into the ring. Cairo hits a scoop slam, then makes the cover. Striker kicks out after two.
Zach Davis: Cairo is continuing to punish Striker and this methodical, slow-down tempo is exactly what Cairo wants. It's almost like he's lulling Striker to sleep.
Shannan Lerch: It's called ring psychology and Bobby does it better than anybody!
Luscious Jackson: Come on, no! This is too boring! People are gonna switch channels! Get Cairo off the TV, Striker!
Cairo hoists Striker for a pumphandle slam, but Striker reverses into a crossbody press. Striker hooks the leg. Cairo kicks out after two. Striker locks Cairo in a headlock, Cairo sends Striker into the ropes, Striker shoots off the ropes, Cairo drops to the mat, Striker again shoots off the ropes, Cairo leapfrogs Striker, Striker shoots off the ropes for a third time, Cairo tries to bodydrop Striker, but Striker blocks it in midair and hits a hurricanrana that drops Cairo over the ropes and down to the floor, while Striker lands on the ring apron. Striker waits for Cairo to get up, then hits an Asai moonsault. Both men hit the ground hard.
Zach Davis: Oh your mama, that was nuts! Striker took Cairo out, but he also injured himself! That's the danger of those high-risk moves!
Shannan Lerch: I think Bobby is okay. He's a tough guy, he could be an MMA fighter if he wanted to be.
Luscious Jackson: Bring the voodoo that you do-do, Striker! I can feel your power!
Both men are slow to their feet. Striker kicks Cairo in the back of the legs. Striker rolls Cairo into the ring. Striker climbs to the top rope. Striker hits a Frankensteiner off the top. Striker makes the cover. Cairo kicks out after two. Striker scoops Cairo up and hits a slam. Striker hits a rope-assisted moonsault. Striker hooks the leg. Cairo kicks out after two.
Luscious Jackson: Yes! Yes! Striker is gonna do it!
Zach Davis: Striker is certainly turning this into the sort of fast-paced action that favors his style. If Cairo can't sustain this pace, it could be over quick.
Shannan Lerch: Go for the knee, Bobby... or something!
Striker tries to climb to the top rope, but Cairo runs to the corner and hits Striker with punches to the body. Cairo climbs onto the ropes and hoists Striker onto his shoulders in a crucifix position. Cairo hits his patented Egoist Downfall maneuver from the top rope.
Shannan Lerch: It's gotta be over! Nobody could get up from that!
Cairo makes the cover. 1...2...Cairo pulls Striker up.
Zach Davis: What the hell is Cairo doing?
Shannan Lerch: Bobby, don't do me like that!
Luscious Jackson: He's an arrogant prick!
Cairo sends Striker to the corner. Striker staggers forward, Cairo hits an overhead belly to belly suplex. Cairo makes the cover. 1...2...Cairo pulls Striker up again. The fans are booing Cairo and even Bolts is screaming at Cairo. A wry smile creeps across Cairo's face.
Zach Davis: This is downright bizarre. Cairo cares more about embarrassing Striker than winning the match.
Luscious Jackson: I told you guys Cairo is a disgrace! I hate this guy!
Shannan Lerch: Bobby, please listen to reason! Win the match!
Cairo pulls Striker to his feet and sends him into the ropes. Cairo tilt-a-whirls Striker into a powerbomb position, but Striker reverses with a hurricanrana into a pinning combination. 1...2...THR--
Zach Davis: He's got him! Did he get him?
Shannan Lerch: No! Bobby barely kicked out before the three!
Luscious Jackson: Finish him, Striker!
Cairo tries for a lariat, Striker ducks and hits a superkick. Striker makes the cover. Cairo kicks out after two. Striker goes for his patented Last Chance maneuver, Cairo blocks it, Cairo spins Striker around and hits the Chimera Plex. Cairo makes the cover.
Zach Davis: Bobby Cairo hangs on to win the match! Boy I tell ya, Cairo lucked out to win this one. He almost gave the match away on a silver platter.
Shannan Lerch: If ifs and buts were candy and nuts then Luscious would have a brain! All that matters is that Bobby won the match and he's advancing in the Classic!
Luscious Jackson: What a crock of spit.
Zach Davis: What's that, Luscious? We're on TV, young man.
Luscious Jackson: I said spit.
Zach Davis: Oh. Well in any case fans, we'll see you at the next Classic show!
Shannan Lerch: Bobby Cairo vs Creeping Death, Biohazard vs Danny Vice, Lawnmower Jones vs Steve Carr, and JJ Biggs vs Thunder vs Chino vs Outcast!
Luscious Jackson: Peace, y'all.
The show fades out with Bobby Cairo standing victorious.